clear

Creating new perspectives since 2009

Gaza: A self-healing dilemma

August 29, 2014 at 11:32 am

Killing and bombing are finally over. Yet, I can’t feel that the war is! I don’t think we will for a long period of time… if we ever could!

The killing is over… but the pain of missing the dead is not.

The killing is over… but the injures are not healed.

The killing is over… but the houses are not standing.

The killing is over… but the souls are not yet cured.

This is the third war I had to witness in the last five years of my life. I wish I never have to deal with this again. But it just happened, and all I can do now is to deal with the pain, again!

My first experience with war was in my last year of high school, that year is critical to anyone’s future. It wasn’t easy to get back to school and study again, it wasn’t easy to throw all the pain and bad memories behind me and go back to normal life. It took a long time, but I did it. I’ve managed to pass the year with satisfying results.

During the second war, I was a university student; I faced the same dilemma of not being able to get back to university and study. My mind was full of black thoughts and questions about how I could survive again.

This one, the third, is the most difficult! Now, I’m an employee. I have to deal with things faster to best do my job. I grew up, and just realised that it only gets more and more difficult to accept and deal with such situations! This time, I think it will take even longer to get back to life. I feel time is not enough anymore.

It takes too long to get used to the city’s new face. Not to feel guilt every time we laugh. Not to jump at the sound of a door slamming. To dream of things other than death.

As I write this, I know that I didn’t experience the loss of my loved ones and I am in good health, thank God. But, I can’t stop thinking about those who lost in this war… some lost everything and everyone, others lost their beauty, vision, the ability to hear, their limbs. They lost a life that they will never ever have again.

The war is over, but to the survivors it has just started. I was jailed in my house for 50 days; it feels strange to deal with people again, to go back to the work routine like we used to do. The simplest aspects of life are the most difficult now.

I didn’t experience death. But now I believe that many things can be more painful than death.

For someone who is homeless, who lost the ability to walk, to hold a pen, to see the light, to hear the sounds around them, to live with their loved ones, for those and others, death could be mercy.

All we can do, what we have to do, is deal with the status quo. Heal our injuries; heal our souls, our brains and our hearts. To live once again!

The author is a Palestinian born in Saudi Arabia and now lives in the Gaza Strip. Finished a BSc in Business Administration from the Islamic University of Gaza, and now works as a project coordinator at a media organisation.

The views expressed in this article belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Middle East Monitor.