The republic of fear

There was once a time when we dreamt of being free, when freedom called upon on us with its liberating song and we were hypnotised by the smell of jasmine blossoms that was associated with the revolutions taking place in the length and breadth of this country.

It was there that we found warmth in January nights and exchanged sentiments of safety and security. We covered ourselves with our dream of freedom and we lay out on the streets and didn’t care how harsh the sidewalk felt. We ignored the warning signs of our empty stomachs. Suddenly, signs of blight began to appear and we requested tents that were too narrow to accommodate everyone.

Everyone escaped their self-imposed walls of isolationism and deconstructed both fear and ego until they became one and the same. Our concerns and scepticism faded into nothing and everyone begin to search for their sense of self and redefine what it meant to be Egyptian. We experienced a sense of internal migration in search of a homeland that we felt was absent and out of reach. We have been suffering from internal grief, fear and alienation for decades and suddenly our restrictions faded away and we broke barriers of fear, silence and alienation.

At that time we felt a sense of tranquillity and intimacy much like the fragrance of the Nile after it cultivates the land near the delta. Behind this tranquil image waited fog and confusion yet for some time our eyes glittered with hope and shined with confidence. With our strength we were eager to fill skies with the sound of our victory songs and cry after the prodigal son returns after a long absence. Our bodies and souls, when put together, produced a force that was capable of moving mountains.

Despite our sense of pain, all of us felt surprisingly comfortable in the presence of the other and together we yelled out that we wouldn’t be afraid after today. We promised that we would not be afraid of ourselves and that we would break the barriers of our isolation. We did not need anyone to help us discover our sense of humanity and we do not need elders and mediators that limit us and separate us. We promised each other that we would not fear one another and that no one would feel alienated in their homeland. At that time, we also said that no citizen would feel like an outsider.

At that time we believed the following:

· What would bring us together is the dream we all had of one day living together and our need to build the dream together. We would pray, chant and praise God together. Together, we would sing a victory song that praises our homeland, one that is invincible as opposed to a place of fear. We would reach a place of reconciliation and discover the goodness of our land. We would plant the seeds of freedom, which we would all cultivate and nourish with our sacred Nile’s waters. We would prevent the winds of anger from harming these seeds and prevent any selfishness from destroying them.

· We would work together to cultivate our seeds of peace and prevent any thorns from overpowering them. We would solicit the help of our wise farmer grandfathers to help us along our path without the help of a mediator. We would work together so that we may be able to retrieve the goodness of our land. We would work together to de-root the seeds of maliciousness from our land, which have embedded a sense of sickness in our souls. We would wash ourselves of this bloody tyranny that threatens our livelihood.

Yet, after a while I met up with an old friend from Tahrir and despite all of these sentiments I felt a sense of fear that led me to doubt him. A black sense of fear began to overcome me and I slowly begin to wonder if he would throw a stone at me. We exchanged sentiments of fear, hatred and mistrust once again.

I find myself being protective of the seeds of peace once again and the days where we expelled the ghost of fear from our lives. May God have mercy on those days in Tahrir and may He forgive those who are planting the seeds of hate and fear in the republic once again.

The views expressed in this article belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Middle East Monitor.