Where is Esraa Eltaweel?

Among us, there is a friend who never feels tired, a friend who is always faithful, delicate. If he says, he does.

On Monday 1st June, Sohaib’s trial

I was calling Umar telling him about my fears for Sohaib wishing I could bear what he may face of unfair verdict. Umar said that we all will never undergo anything except what has been destined for us and everyone will have his own destiny and we have nothing to do but to support him. Then Umar said: “I will finish my work and then let’s go out horse riding.”

In the morning of the same day, Umar advised me to watch a film called “In Time”. I said to Umar “Praise be to Allah as we do not know what is hidden to us and we do not know when we will pass away or what will happen. I tried to imagine if I knew, I would be terrified.” When we were riding horses, I was preoccupied and Umar asked me about what I was thinking of. I said I was afraid that over time we will be separated.

The last dinner

After getting off the horses we were confused; where should we go? One of the things I loved most about Umar is that he was always eager to try new foods. Every week, we tried eating in a different restaurant. He had never been to Chili’s restaurant so we went to the branch in Nile City, Zamalek. We sat and ordered our meals happily. Sohaib called Umar and Umar said that he was coming just to eat salad. When we left, we found a big mirror and stopped to take a few pictures together. We took a lot of photos. Then, Sohaib stopped to pray. When he finished praying, we went out. Suddenly, three men stopped us asking us to give them our ID cards and our mobile phones and they pushed us by force into a mini bus. I thought we were being kidnapped. I tried to ask them to call my family many times but they refused. I looked behind me to see Sohaib’s and Umar’s faces covered. I asked one of the men, who seemed to be the boss, “Who are you Sir?” He said “I am Husam Farag.”

I asked: “What is your title?” He said that he is an officer and ordered me to keep silent. After two minutes he ordered me to cover my face with my veil but it was short. Sohaib took off his t-shirt and asked them to give it to me to cover my face with.

Held captive

I stayed 15 days at the country’s security premises hearing investigations, sounds of torture and men crying loudly. Sohaib and Umar were taken away and I was alone. I was the only lady there. My eyes were covered for 15 days; all the while I was threated. Actually, I do not know and cannot tell what was happening. It was a horrible and scary experience.

During the first five days, I was expecting them to release me. On the sixth day, I became hopeless and fell into despair. All that time, I was weeping and crying. I felt like what was happening to me was not real, as if it were torture in the grave. I was worried about my family. I could not imagine what happened to my dad and mum. I kept praying and praying all the time. I could only pray and weep a sea of tears. In fact, I cannot tell what was happening. On the fifteenth day, they put me on the evacuation vehicle. I found myself in court.

They investigated me for 18 hours without stopping. They asked about everything in my life since I was born. I could not understand anything of what was happening. I had been held for 16 days without a shower. My legs were unable to carry me because I was disabled after I was shot on 25 January 2014. Part of the bullet remained in my spine and caused temporary paralysis from which I have been suffering and I can’t walk normally until now. I begged the prosecutor to allow me to phone my family but he refused. He said that I will be sent to the prison and they will complete the investigations the next day.

Al-Qanater Prison (for women)

I have been wearing trousers, a blouse, a cardigan and a short veil (tarha: scarf) since I was kidnapped with the two young men. Their false accusations to me were; joining the Muslim Brotherhood, supporting the group and fabricating news inside and outside Egypt.

What is this craziness? Who am I? All of these accusations never happened and nothing of this has been proven. I found myself in prison. This was the first time in my life that I saw such a large number of women. They put me in a big room. I did not have any clothes except the hated galabia (traditional dress). The prosecutor told me the name of that galabia was “Shoull”.

I never stopped and will never stop crying and weeping. In fact I am very weak and crying and weeping all the time. I have been itching after remaining for 17 days without having a shower. My family know that I am in Al-Qanater Prison and came to visit me on the first day of the Holy month Ramadan. I thanked Allah so much. I felt as if I escaped a tomb. I kept weeping and saying “I believe in Allah”.

The prison is scary and horrible. A different world; some are caught for using drugs, some for being prostitutes, some for pickpocketing , some for stealing public funds etc. I have seen strange people and heard very strange stories as if those people are monsters. All people in the prison tell lies and fabricate stories about one another. All of them are causing problems for one another and they hate each other. All the ladies smoke. I was choking and hated it very much. I hate the prison so much.

The prison is very bad and horrible. Whenever I feel exhausted, I fall asleep and get up horrified asking “where I am?” All the time I feel it is a nightmare. How did all of this happen? And how is it still happening? I want to go to my dad and mum. I stayed nine days in the room of the newcomers. After that, they took me to the Brotherhood cell. It is well-known that neither I nor anyone of my family is a member of the Brotherhood. The most important thing in this cell is that no one smokes. This cell is disgusting, full of cockroaches. Everything here is disgusting and life here is very difficult. I miss my home, my family my friends, my cat Woody. I miss them so much.

Having hope

At the end of the tunnel, life gives us light. It calls us to forget pain we suffered. I do not know what is happening. All the time, every day, I have been praying and asking Allah to end my torture and misery in captivity. Allah is generous. Really, I am so angry at Egypt and everything in Egypt. However, I have been waiting for my release. Every day in prison, I am waiting for them to tell me that I am going home. Really, I am full of anger. Oh Allah, when will this nightmare come to an end?

I am very weak and I do not know how to write!! I just want to talk although I do not understand why all this is happening. I love my father and mother and my sisters and brothers as well as all my friends. Oh my God, I pray for everything to be good.

While I am writing this, I hear that Summar El-Najjar and Auntie Farida have been released. I am happy for them. I feel that I will be released soon. Praise be to Allah. Enough is enough.

And by the way, anyone who dares call me a “Free Women”, a term Islamists in Egypt use to iconise the women detained or imprisoned nowadays, I swear I will make them regret it once I have been released.

Written by Esraa El-Taweel at Al-Qanater Prison 7 July 2015

The views expressed in this article belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Middle East Monitor.